Rhod Gilbert on BBC Radio Wales.

If you are listening to this, you are listening to Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits, some of the best bits of my Saturday morning radio show, live on BBC Radio Wales. This week, I'm in the studio in Cardiff with Clint Edwards.

This is Rhod Gilbert, live on BBC Radio Wales. It's Saturday, August 29th, 2015. It's the end of summer, Clint. / Aye. / What's happened? Where is it gone? / __ ended up ... I haven't even ... / woolly hat when I came in. / I / woolly hat when you came in. I needed to take it off 'cause you told me to take it off. / Yeah. / __ ... Where's summer? What's happened to __ summer? / let me ask you / have you worn a pair of trunks? / I don't own a pair of trunks. / Really? / I live in Wales. / What ... you don't own a pair of trunks? / No. The last time I was swimming was about ... / Do you wanna borrow a pair __ __ from me because I ... I own / I was having this conversation with my wife the other day / how many trunks __ / I think we should split up probably. ... Probably a sign that we've had enough of each other. ... "How many pairs of trunks have you got, darling?" "Oh, god. Not this again." ... I've ... we were just having a conversation ... 'cause we travel around a lot ... __ __ in one place or another ... / Yeah. / You know / __ __ __ / __ __ jet-set lifestyle that we lead __ __ __ __ and every time we go to a swimming pool, I haven't got any trunks and have to buy a pair of trunks off the swimming pool. I'm gonna estimate I've got nine pairs of trunks. There we are. / Feature 1: How many pairs of trunks have you got? / Are these trunks / buy / have to say, "Can I go s ... / go / spares back / No. These are, like, trunks / you've got to tell / can / only use the pool __ __ swim, but I / buy a pair of trunks / I / not nice. / I bet they're not nice / they are __ __ perfectly good trunks / Yeah. / Huh. What are you complaining about then? / I'm just complaining about ... / just a pair of trunks / I've / about 15 quid. / Huh, all right. / nine pairs. My wife's got ... get this, 740 bikinis. ... that's not including __ swimsuits which haven't even been __ed up. ... And you haven't even got pair of trunks? / I don't. / Hang on then. I'm gonna lend you / I don't swim. / do you know what / do / give you a pair of trunks / I'd rather have / OK / and a pair of trunks __ __ __ / __ __ / Uh ... anyway, where's summer gone? That's my first question: Have you worn a pair of trunks? ... Have you had a barbecue? / __ __ yours. / Is that the only one? / Yeah. / So, you have ... right. ... So far, ... summer's gone, right? / Yeah. / ... Trunks: none. You haven't even worn a pair of trunks. / Trunk-less. / Barbecues ... one. Yeah? / Yeah. That was a good one, though. / OK. Uh ... how many ... how much sun-cream have you put on ... in bottles? / Uh ... / ... To the nearest bottle. / ... I'm gonna regret on this, / 言わないほうがいいかもしれないけど / but it was ... uh ... it was a smearing out of yours. / ... One smear? / when we went for a walk in West Wales. / When we went for a walk down our place? / Yeah. / sun-tan lotion: one smear? / Yeah. You facilitate my entire summer. / What is that saying about / make / summer / __ not __ summer __. ... It's the end of summer / Yeah / I / even / one / that's all you've had in this summer ... and that's summer gone. It's gone, mate. That's it. / That's not the __ __ __ summer, is the outside ... outside washing of my laundry / __ __ / outside drying of my laundry / I'm gonna add ... add this to the list. How ... how many times have you hung your washing up on the line? / Well, we __ talk about the same load. / What? / Well, this is two weeks ago, / Right. / I h__g a load up, / h__g a load of washing on the line? / yeah / drying. ... Pat, my neighbour, ... / Yeah, / ... came knocking on my window / Good old Pat. / ... going, "I've spotted a cloud." / spotted a cloud? / Spotted a cloud. ... I was confident it wasn't gonna rain. / Yeah. / But I still brought it in, being polite to Pat. / 外に洗濯物を干していると、隣のパットがやってきて、雨が降るよ、って教えてくれたんだ。オレは雨は降らないと 100% 確信していたが、せっかく言ってくれたのに聞かないと悪いと思って、洗濯物を取り込んだ。 / so, you thought ... so, Pat knocked on your window, / she said / I / my washing in" / you thought, "You're talking non__sense, Pat. It's not gonna rain / just ... uh ... just not to upset her / just to be nice. Just to be nice. She brought all her washing as well. And I thought, "__ __ __ __ __ __ I'll bring the washing in, ... and I thought, " __ be fine __ __ put it out in an hour / OK / So, you have one ... one load ... / One load, / ... but, (interrupted) / interrupted. ... Then, two hours later ... / washingus interruptus / cloud passed. / Cloud passed. / h__ng __ washing back up again. / Did you? / Yeah. / Oh, OK. ... OK. Re- ... re-hung. ... / ... Weather ... / ... No trunks, one barbecue, one smear of sun-tan lotion, and one interrupted load of washing on the line. That's the whole ... that's your summer? / No. / Gone. / it gets even more e__ / gone / wheather got colder / Is this ... is this all the same day? / Yeah, yeah, same day, but it's getting toward __ night / What a day you had. / ... Yeah. / I brought that washing back, uh, because it was getting colder / it / getting __ / I brought that washing back in again / in case __ __ cold? / in case it got cold ... so, ... you know, early morning dew / Yeah, yeah, yeah. / So, I thought / first thing in the morning / brought it back in next morning, / h__ng it back out again / third time / h__g / single load / third time / next time __ __ throw the clothes away / buy new ones / a lot / __ __ __ __ __ sleeping bags __ __ / pair of trunks / only started using that. ... So, the third time / hang out / yeah / and, uh, / out there about half a day / I thought / must be / hour / a little bit damp. / もう乾いてるだろうと思ったら、まだ少し湿ってて、 / I thought, "Oh my goodness", and then, worse. / What could be worse than __ a little damp? / I thought, "I'll just / bring them in now / inside / what was on in the bedsheet / bird poo. / これで終わったと思ったら、ベッドのシーツに、鳥のフンが / Oh, heck. / Yeah. / had to do the whole __ / back in / back in / back on the line, ... Pat knocks __ on the window / cloud / Exactly. / God, __ __ __ ground all day / yeah, need to ... need to __ __ __ __ __ __ just in / but with Pat? / with Pat instead of in front of nature. ... It's __ __ / That's summer over? / That's it. ... So, / If you've had a worse summer than that / I've bought a tumble dryer, so, you __ ... / Oh, did you? Good idea. Condenser? Or one with the pipe? / did you / existed / c__ / just / I've, uh, I'll level with you. I am 46 years old, and, uh ... OK, let's play, uh, guess when __ __ tumble dryer / game / just have a quick guess / when you got one? / Yeah. How old was I when I got my first tumble dryer? Quick quiz. / Well, we didn't have one in ... the house, so, uh ... / Uh, you lived ... when we lived together, / Yeah. / ... we didn't have one then. Yeah. / yeah. / late 30's / then / So, I reckon ... two years ago ... so, what are you now? 46? / Yeah. / So, 44. / Yeah. / All right. / That's the end of that quiz. ... / good one, innit? ... You're like Korkey. Uh, you've ruined / you've ruined a perfectly good quiz. / __ __ __ / I set up a quiz __ __ that I thought / this / run for the whole show, and you answered it straight away / このクイズで番組の終わりまでもたそうと思ったのに、さっさと答えちまいやがった / I was 44 / first / my life / they're great, __ __ ? / that could have been the next question ... __ __ second part of the quiz, that was. ... Brilliant.

Now then, Celebrity Out Of Context Bingo has been, uh ... __ __ __ __ __ news a lot recently __ __ __ __ __ __ people have been talking about __ on this show a lot recently. Years ago, I launched a ... a feature called Celebrity Out Of Context Bingo. Right? And, uh, it's, basically, "Have you seen a celebrity out of context?" as the name inplies. But then, recently, people have been getting hung up on the rules, and, is it ... do they have to be, kind of, ironically out of context?, and all this, and ... if you hold the fort for a second, I'm gonna get up all the corresponden__ __ __ the week. Hold the fort, Clint. / uh ... when he says, uh, there's been a lot of talk or arguments about / debate about the rules, we all know that's entirely Rhod. / No, no, no. Now, listen to this / it's entirely you, isn't it? / people / phone in / I saw Lady Gaga buying sweets __ __ __ / you go, "Yeah, but is it out of context?" __ __ __ Yes. ... Yes, it is / Well, we've got some interesting ones here. / It's only you. You are a __, __ man. / Huh ... OK. So, here're the ones we've got this week. / Here we go. / Uh ... right. "Hi Rhod and guest, my name / came in ... this week, so, __ __n't know who you are. __ __ not being rude. / おまえが来るってことは今朝まで知らなかったんだ。かんべんしてやれ。 / "My name is James / may be one of your youngest listeners __ 19 / Prove it. / I have a good entry for Celebrity Ironically Out Of Context Bingo / changed the name then / somebody / look, you only accept the ones that are ironically out of context. / Right. / Uh ... so, I changed the name to Celeb ... Celebrity Ironically Out Of Context Bingo. But then somebody's come in this week and said / I'm not sure / maybe / change it back / difficult, innit? / second a__ / I mean, if you / this / exactly. Uh ... "I've a good entry for Celebrity Ironically Out Of Context Bingo, which I think is actually ironic, but I'll leave you to judge. ... A couple of years back, I was a volunteer to a charity event in C__. I served tea to __ __ __ __ __, but D__ was nowhere to be seen." ... Now, that, you see, that is definitely ... / __ __ __ impossible. / That's definitely ironically out of context, I would / one of them / definitely out of context / served tea to one of them / one of / I mean ... uh ... to be honest, when / launched / years ago / I think / for example, have you seen one of them on their own / that would be the perfect example / happened / James, the youngest, got it. / __ __ __ __ quiz __ __ then / there's another one. Well done, James. You / Killed it. / これでまた、クイズネタがなくなった / but, now then, here we go. ... Here we go. ... OK. ... "Rhod, " Uh, this is from Simon Collins. / Age? / Uh ... I don't know. It __n't say. Uh ... "Regarding the debate over whether celebrities need to be ironically out of context to qualify for Celebrity Out Of Context Bingo ... I think that past examples would only necessitate that __ celebrity be unexpectedly out of context. The situation does not need to be ironic, merely unusual for the person. For example, Alice Cooper buying an antique spoon, which was one of the ... which was an example from a couple of years ago. I hope that helps." I remember, we did accept that, Alice Cooper buying an a__ spoon / yeah / and / again / ironic / just unexpected kind of ... OK. It's Ironically Or Unexpectedly Out Of Context / __ that ... Celebrity Ironically ... Or ... Unexpectedly Out Of Context ... / that's a tautology / 冗長だな。expected なら in context だ。unexpected なら out of context だ。重ねる必要はない。 / out of context / yeah / it is / it is / you can't have "Unexpected" / OK. / I've just changed the name / I've just changed it back. ... Dear, dear. OK. Here's one. ... This is __ __ __ favorites. ... "Rhod," ... from a regular podcast listener. "I've never been a live listener. I'm too busy on Saturdays. / I wonder what __ __ doing right now? / ... "Firstly, I am 32." / Huh, __ / "Please add this to your database. ... My entry," It's a good one, this, mate. "My entry for Celebrity Out Of Context Bingo is that I saw Tom Daley ... using __ steps to get into a swimming pool in Majorca." / ... What? / Tom Daley, Olympic diver, / Yeah, / he saw him walking into / pool / using the steps down __ ... / How did __ think he normally / you / normally / swimming pool / He dives. He's a diver / helicopter through the roof? / dive / he / using the steps to get / he didn't even jump off __ __ __ __ __ use the steps / in the swimming pool / Yes / I thought / front / to get into the pool? / Yes. / __ __ / I thought he saw him approaching a pool from the outside / I / what? ... he didn't ... didn't he / side of / pool / get in / No. He / he gingerly stepped down into the pool using the pool's steps / Huh, that's brilliant. / Brilliant. ... says / also / you / need "Ironically" in the feature name." / Yeah / That was fairly self-explanatory / That's true. / and those mourning are being pedantic." / um, many thanks / that / Celebrity Out Of Context Bingo / I think that's right. I don't / "Ironically" in the name / I think that's right / in the name / self-explanatory / I / change / it back to Celebrity Out Of Context Bingo.

We've got another complaint here. ... "I'm promted to write in response to the latest debate over Celebrity Out Of Context Bingo, or Celebrity Ironically Out Of Context as some would now refer to it / what constitute a celebrity out of context / which, by the way, __ __ __ seen eating food off __ plate / London restaurant / perfect example. ... However, all of the complainers appeared to / entirely missing the most glaring point. ... To my mind, I'm not aware of any bingo cards being available / how are you expected to have cards prepared in advance so that we listeners / make use of our daubers and mark them off? / technical word / That is a technical word, that is. / I would therefore suggest / it's not bingo in any way, shap or form. ... All the best, M__." Uh ... maybe we should just call it Celebrity Out Of Context / Celebrity Out Of Context. ... That's it. / ... Game? / 「ゲーム」ってつけたら？ / Game? 「げぇぇぇぇむぅ」？/ Celebrity Seen Out Of Context / Nuh. You might have heard about it. / Huh ... / you / not by your rules / someone / that's why / more open / going, "Uh, Rhod, I wasn't there. I heard about it / I know your ... your respons would be this: ... / certainly would, and justifiably. ... OK. The new, uh ... newly launched Celebrity Out Of Context Bingo ... oh, sorry, no. / Oh heck. Oh heck. Scrap that bit on the podcast __ __ edit / what a re-brand in exercise / Celebrity Out Of Context / this is an interesting one, you see? This is a very interesting one. ... Right? This is very interesting. / I think we'll decide that in a minute. / Yeah. ... No, / interesting / you know, in terms of / named / all about / What is the heart / out / game / philosophical issue ... "A few years ago, we saw the famously surreal American comedian, Steven Wright ... / Oh yeah? I have a pony. / ... buying a multi-pack of white Y-fronts in a department store." ... Surely the dullest thing imaginable ... dullest thing imaginable. Does this count? / Simon / that's very interesting / what is that, exactly? / buying / some white Y-fronts in / department store. ... Very very normal, very m__, very / thing to do / surreal, imaginative comedian / where __ __ ... you know ... how ... how does that help / definitely / use his pants / シュール派のコメディアンの行動としては確かに日常的過ぎるが、果たして彼は、そのパンツを、はくために買ったのだろうか。 / Oh yeah. Good point. / did this ... has this listener followed / home / and watched him / Simon H__, you / pants / maybe / pretend to be / really imaginative / yeah / maybe that's what he did / probably / Um ... let's have a look. "Just got up ...", says, uh, Nick in M__ / I'm not sure if you're doing / Out Of Context / Morning, N__ / another name suggestion here / I'm not sure / Out Of Context Binjo / 厳密にはビンゴではないがビンゴに近い。だから新しい呼び名が必要だ。「ビンジョ」にしよう。/ hey, we should call it that. It's not ... it's not really bingo. ... This is the thing / really bingo, but pretty close / we've got a new name for it / context / "Game" didn't work / feature / binjo / binjo / Celebrity Out Of Context Binjo. ... Perfect. Uh ... "I've just got up / I'm not sure / but I was in school / with Collin Jackson / every sports day, he took part in the high jump. ... He was / only kid who could do the __ flop / Does this qualify? He was really annoying __ he won / everything every year. Nick in M__." / does / high jump / that's not out of context / if he was ... if he was / going under / if he was doing limbo / yeah / limbo / tripped over something / would have been more / tripped over something / uh / fell into a bath / it must have been annoying to go to school / something / because I went to ... uh ... / athletic championships / Right? / Right. / in C__ ... when I was a kid / when I was a kid / school / athletics / championships / I was / you were competing? / Competing. / so, you were j__ing? / tow / line / or / just / shoulders / yeah / various, uh, things / the last one / I threw it. I threw it / fit of peak / just / I was so annoyed / I was so annoyed, I just threw it / I just threw it. / __ ... I won't go back. / Uh, yeah. I was so annoyed / j__ / I just threw it.

Celebrity Out Of Context / I saw __ __ __ in / any, buying ointments for b__s." ... Uh, get off. / I don't believe it / may have been someone else. __ __ __ No, no. Come on. ... I don't like __ __ normally, I don't even read those ones out / somebody / I saw K__ __ buying a mango, or something. ... I'm not having that. / K__ __ buying a mango ... / uh ... "Good afternoon, both." ... Uh ... "My cousin, David ..." Huh. ... "... grew up with Jimmy Page__ / uh ... and they were R&B and R&R enthusiasts / in the latter part of the 60's / Keith R__ / who's that? / as he was known? / Uh, that's from C__ H__ / That might be true 'cause / name / yeah yeah / Good point. / distinguish himself / Good point. / like / always / who's that guy / one / sit on / I always get / those two / having said that, if I said to you one of them fell out of __ co__ tree / No. C__ R__ / coconut tree for him / too busy / I / photo-shoot / hope you are well. I just wondered / happy birthday / my lovely boyfriend, Mathew, who turns 24 today / Happy birthday, Mathew. / Happy birthday, Mathew. / We are long-time podcast listeners / big fan of the show in that format. ... / __ __ __ work schedule__ / first time we are able to listen live / point of interest / came on, he was l__ing how different / lamenting / could have been. He used to gig with __ band as a teenager in Cardiff. Instead, he's in Dorset, helping me preparing / my parents' wedding anniversary celebration this evening. Isn't he wonderful? Thank you if you can give him a quick shout-out / ... Well, your wonderful boyfriend is l__ing how bad his life is now, __ __ / such a better life. ... __ __ doors, mate, __ doors.

Whow. Do you know I __ __ done? My word. I'm sitting here / Onion Quiz / do you want / now? / ... Yeah. / OK / hold the fort. I'm gonna go and get it. It's on the floor. / everything's on the floor / oh, he's around the desk / he's at my side of the desk / picked / bit / here we go / oh, he's back / Onion Quiz! It's on. / right there __ my feet the whole time / I could have __ed it / Yeah, but ... / could / you don't / yourself, mate. / cheat __ __ __ __ ... What's the prize? / Uh ... I will give you an onion. / __. / OK. You have two minutes. / __ __ __ __ ... OK. / ... You have two minutes. ... You can play along at home, everyone, if it' safe and legal to do so. If you're driving, pull over. If you are in your kitchen __ __ you don't need to pull over / just sit down, perhaps / if / onion quiz, have a game. ... So, onions, famously, Clint, / Yeah, / I'm just gonna set this up / Famous onions / Famous ... no, / famous onions / OK. / Uh ... / uh ... onions famously bring a tear to one's eye when chopped. / Yeah. / Would you agree? / Agreed. / Buzzz. ... Good. / I've got one right. / 一問正解。 / we haven't even started / I'm just ... I'm just / agree with the set-up __ __ __ sometimes I get challenged / set up / immediately. ... My quizzes. ... OK. Play along at home if it's safe and legal to do so. ... I'm looking for ten ways of stopping that happening. ... Ten ways ... / Ten? / Ten ways ... / All right. / ... two minutes ... of stopping that happening, ... / OK. / ... stopping tears with onions. ... Let me just ... let me just __ up on them. ... OK. ... I'm gonna start __ on __ __ the top of the hour. __ __ __ __ ladies and gents. OK? ... Go. / Uh ... eat something else? / No. / ... Well, that's ... / avoid / well, how to not cry __ __ onion / yeah ... but / I'm sorry / be the end of the quiz / たまねぎ以外のものを食べる。/ はずれ。 / なんで？たまねぎで泣かない方法を言えばいいんだろう？ / それじゃクイズが終わっちまう。 たまねぎを切っても涙を流さずに済む方法を言え。/ just don't / one / one / ten / OK. I'll give you that. / right / chop it under __ water / you can't / onion / yes / if you can iron something from 13,000 feet in a free fall / you can't iron ... you can't iron something from 13,000 feet. / You can. / You'd have to be ... you'd have to be with the thing you are ironing. / 13,000 フィートの高さからアイロンがけだと？　そんなことは不可能だ。衣類が 13,000 フィート先にあるならものすごく長い腕が必要だ。 / you've got / the longest arms / you / take / out there / yeah / you can't iron / gap / between the eye and the thing / oh, no, no / no ironing from / huge extension leads / well, that's ... that's ironing at 13,000 / 13,000 / very different. / That's what I meant / I'll tell you what / gone / chop / under / OK, I'm gonna give you that / OK / you wear goggles / three / OK. ... You think about something very depressing / before / tears / teared yourself up / no, no, no / I'm talking about stopping the tears, not just confusing the motivation / I can't give you that / OK. Uh ... what about wearing / goggles / that / what about / goggles again / know / keep saying "goggles" / give / No. / OK. Uh ... what about ... um ... doing it outside of __ window, with breeze / 野外で、風の中でやれば / I'm gonna give you that / actually / you don't chop through the root / 根に切り込まないようにする / Yes. Five. / OK / You've got five. Come on. / OK. __ I'm not C__ Jackson / uh ... you do it / give you a bit more time / another / free / how / with / spoon? / ... Definitely not. / OK. You, um ... / How would that help? / one of those things. You see, / goggles / said it twice now / glass tank / rubber gloves / can do / inside / give you that / Yeah, you'd have to. ... Um ... uh ... get someone else to do it / OK / anyone / tear / irrelevant here / you can't wrap anything around your eyes / fan / I'm counting that as / window __ __ too similar. And it ... you know, I can't give you ... / __ __ __? / Too similar. / Um ... yeah, we've done "running / water / No. / something / with the ... uh ... the shell on / shell / what is it? ... skin on / 殻 ... 殻じゃないや。皮を ... / another minute now / three minutes. ... Skin on? No. ... Time's up. / Go to restaurant. / you've scored ... six / Huh. / Uh ... do you wanna / back / heavily-edited / says / onions / if you hold a spoon in your mouth, that stops you crying / that's what she says / I don't ... don't know if it's true / not gonna give you that / or / use a super-sharp knife." ... Well, that is true. ... That is true. / What? / Using a__ very sharp knife / means / fewer onion cells / damaged / fewer / irritating chemicals are released into the air aruond you. Very sharp knife. ... Do you want to know __ else? Light a candle near your cutting board. / for it / hold __ __ / Uh ... / pop your onion in the freezer for 15 minutes before slicing / chilled onion cells are slower to react. They release less / fewer tears / cut the onion near hot running water or __ cloud of steem / steam draws out vapor / onions / around / under water / I gave you that. I gave you that. ... Stick your toungue out. / What? / Yeah. Stick your tongue out while chopping __ onion__ / react / water __ the surface of the eyeball / by catching / before it reaches your eyes / stick your toungue out / yeah. I remember now, yeah, now you / it / stick your tongue out while you're chopping your onions / and then some of the vapors / stuck on your tongue. Mmm ... like that. / onion vapor / get out of this restaurant. / Yeah. Uh ... "Whistle. When you whistle / blow / eyes / straightforward stuff, this, mate. / any / I don't know why any of us are still crying with onions. It's so easy. Just __ __ goggles / stick your t__ out / get a kettle on, light a candle, have a / it's easy / easy / do it all under water. ... Never suffer again.

If you enjoyed that, why don't you listen to the whole show? Rhod Gilbert live on Saturday mornings / BBC Radio Wales, 11 till 1.

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